Dear Dove: I'm still not worried about my arm pits

I've been thinking about this post for a long, long time.   What you're reading is me cracking under impulse and indulging myself.  Confession time:  I hate deodorant commercials.  The latest offender is Dove and the arm pit hating spiel.

Behold:


Seriously.  Beautiful arm pits.  I'm supposed to worry about having sexy arm pits.  Really? I wasn't supposed to wear a sleeveless top without this deodorant?   Do even my pits have to be sexy now?

Holy crap.   The most attention I give my arm pits is once or twice a week I look at them and realize that I need to shave them.   Daily I put antiperspirant on them but that doesn't require a whole lot of thought.   They're armpits.   I raise my hand even when I'm NOT Sure, so I try to keep them hairless but they're not that high on my list of high maintenance body parts.

They're just not.   If you're wondering, yes, I have tried Dove antiperspirant and it has so much stupid lotion in it that it breaks before you can use even half of it.   It's lousy at keeping up with actual woman sweat as well.   The only reason I didn't break up with Degree over their jingle bell commercial (so incredibly dumb, this is the British version but they showed the same thing in the US) is that their stuff actually works on actual woman sweat.  Let's talk people into wearing bells so they realize how much the move.   Really?

I don't know that I move?  I don't know that when I move more I sweat more?  Do you think I'm an idiot or are you just trying to get it into my subconscious that my perfectly adequate antiperspirant is inadequate because it doesn't take into account that I move? I thought that was the point of antiperspirant.  I move, I sweat, I sweat, I stink.  Worse than stinking, my pits itch. 

Ladies, just say no to arm pit insecurity.   Don't worry about it unless you get that tell-tale sweat itch that makes you realize you didn't put on your deodorant.   While you're at it, you probably don't have to worry about "freshness" either if you're acquainted with soap.  Your children will still love you if you don't choose Jiff.  Your kids don't need designer diapers.   No one is going to think less of you  if you aren't a "Maxinista" and God doesn't care if you don't like and share that idiotic meme.

Brunch doesn't even have to look like it came out of a Better Homes and Gardens showroom as long as the food tastes good and you make your girls a tasty mimosa.   They came to see you, not your house.  At least that's what I tell myself when I don't manage to remove the paw prints from the carpet before my friends arrive.

Irony:

Click on it.